Uncomfortable Conversations

            I generally spend the early morning getting ready for work and watching the Today Show.  This morning, I was impressed and touched by the interview that Jennifer Aniston gave to Carson Daily.  She shed light on something that I have been experiencing for years – our society’s judgment of a woman’s value being based on marital status and procreation.  This was so poignant that Tamron Hall continued the discussion.  While our career paths are vastly different, all three of us – Jennifer Aniston, Tamron Hall and myself – are women in our 40s who are single and childless.  I can only imagine the amount of questioning and scrutiny that both of those women experience.  They are both public figures, well recognized and followed by fans.  I am blissfully one of the masses in our society, a face in the crowd, able to come and go to my local supermarket at any time.  Yet, it’s comforting to know that we share in the same uncomfortable conversations with strangers and acquaintances.

Personally, I find that the critical eye of society judging my single/childless status is worse in the suburbs than it is in the city. Perhaps, it’s because the majority of people I am surrounded by in the suburbs of Rhode Island have married and had families.  Large cities have more diverse populations that include women like myself.  The balance of both lowers the ratio of uncomfortable conversations with strangers asking about my personal life.  I actually discussed this previously in Tales of a Little City in my first essay titled “The Age of Singleness” posted June 26, 2014.  Therefore, I won’t repeat myself with a second in-depth essay on the same subject.

In conclusion, it was a pleasant surprise to see women in high profile positions express the same concerns I have.  As part of the interview, Jennifer Aniston mentioned discussing this subject directly with Gloria Steinem.  The two women participated in an open discussion this past February at the inaugural MAKERS Conference.  While she didn’t go into detail about the conversation on television this morning, I was able to find the interview online.  If you are interested in learning more visit www.makers.com.

Upside Down

            Is it just me or does it seem that the world has turned upside-down? There seems to be an increased amount of violence on a global scale.  I read about violent crowds, shootings, tear-gas, and bombings in the news more than of anything else.  I know that the old newspaper adage, “if it bleeds, it leads”, may have a great deal to do with my heightened awareness.  However, the violence itself is real.  And it’s both terrifying and saddening to me. 

            I haven’t written much of late due to all of this craziness.  I have opinions, of course, but would hate to have my viewpoints misinterpreted and lead to more negativity.  The situation in #Ferguson, Missouri has been beyond my comprehension. In this, I see a reflection of the past.  It reminds me of Mississippi and the Freedom Summer of 1964.  If you aren’t familiar with that bit of history, it is easily researched. I recommend visiting http://www.history.com/topics/black-history/freedom-summermankind and http://video.pbs.org/video/2365267174/ for more information on that momentous event.  Once you review these links, you too may find the parallel between the events of 50 years ago and last week. 

            They say one can’t judge another until they walk in their shoes.  Is that truly the case? It appears that no one is attempting to understand what is happening from any other perspective except his or her own.  And I can understand that to a certain extent.  We are all guilty of looking at life from our own point-of-view.  It can be difficult to identify with situations and people that are far removed from our own experiences. Shouldn't we at least try though?

            Still, I can’t understand the severe cruelty of this world. I can’t understand how one person or group of people can torture, maim or destroy another human being, young or old, or an innocent animal.  How extremist groups overseas can capture journalists, imprison them for years and murder them viscously while recording it to be broadcast over the Internet.  I refuse to watch that. Instead, I pray for #JamesFoley and for his family. 

             True, I’m just looking at this from my point-of-view, but I can’t see how anything that leads to murdering innocents is justified.  My heart breaks and my concern for humanity continues to grow.  Is our species truly doomed? Will we eventually destroy ourselves completely?

Seasonal Zen

             It’s mid-August and the weather has begun to cool early this year.  Already we can feel the quick kiss of fall in the air.  The last days of summer are upon us.  I’m determined to make the most of each day and make sure I spend as much time outside as I can and take in the beauty of the area.

            Summer in New England is filled with humidity, heat and sunshine.  It is also notoriously short.  As a former Californian, I was used to summer year round.  Truly, sunshine brings me more joy than anyone can imagine. The weather on the east coast tends to stay cooler longer and the winters are horrendously cold.  One should never take our weather or surroundings for granted.  I know that we all are guilty of this minor crime.  However, when the seasons change each of us celebrate in our own way.

            I wanted to reflect on the beauty of my current surroundings.  Rhode Island is a splendid area with so many majestic sights that I need to take a step back and review them.  This is not only a nod to the season, but to find a bit of peace and joy.  I have taken all of the photos in this blog.  Most are in my little city and all are in Rhode Island.  It’s this bit of seasonal zen I want to share with all of you.  

The Day the Laughter Died

            Last night the world was reeling from the news of Robin Williams passing.  Today, the world continues to mourn a comic genius, a bright star and an amazing actor who wasn’t afraid to expose his emotions (or body) for a good story.

            I never had the privilege to meet the man, but was deeply shocked to learn of his suicide.  As an entertainer he touched me with his fearlessness, his never-ending energy and the joy that he brought to people near and far.  Here was a man who appeared to have it all.  Outwardly we only saw his success, embraced the laughter he made well out of us and we even envied his life.  So many of us were only able to look at him from the outside and we only saw what he wanted us to see. 

            If anything positive can come from Robin Williams’ suicide it would be an open, frank conversation about mental health and depression in this country.  The stigma of any mental disease has caused many people to deny their existence, to insist that things are normal when clearly they are not.  Quality treatment for depression as well as other forms of mental illness such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder should become more accepted.

            My thoughts are with his family today.  I’m sure they were exposed to the demons that plagued Robin Williams.  They knew so much more than anyone from the outside. They knew how incredible highs can be followed by incredible lows.  As one of his admirers, I can only wish them peace and do my small part to grant it to them. 

            I’m sure that Robin Williams is no longer suffering, but I am also sure that those he loved dearly have only begun to explore that pain for themselves.  My sincere condolences to them all.

            May he rest in peace.

Road Trip Summer

            This summer has been one of local exploration.  I’ve taken road trips to the city of Boston, the states of Connecticut and New Hampshire.  The best part of living on the east coast is that all of the locations are drivable.  It makes road trips easy!

            I’ve already written about my Boston vacation (On the Freedom Trail), but I haven’t gotten into the details about my sojourn to Connecticut.  I had the pleasure of traveling with an old college friend to the Goodspeed to see a production of Fiddler on the Roof.  The theater, located in East Haddam, CT, is in a historic Victorian building that was originally called the Goodspeed Opera House.  Fully restored in the 1960s, the building stands as a testament to Mr. William H. Goodspeed who had it built in 1876. The location is picturesque, right on the banks of the Connecticut River with lovely landscaped grounds. 

            The company that occupies the space is known as Goodspeed Musicals.  Their mission to present top quality productions of both recognized works as well as promising new musicals stands front and center.  The cast of Fiddler on the Roof was outstanding.  The actor who portrayed Tevye was Darren Matthias and he was just brilliant.  He brought sweetness to the character that made me smile.  Apparently, he was a stand-in for the role and it appeared this might have been his first time performing as Tevye.  I can only gather this from the reaction of his fellow actors on stage during curtain call as they congratulated him.   Another stand out for me was the young actress Allegra Rosa who played Bielke.  This young girl of 13 was outstanding!  If I were in college admissions, I would follow her career very closely and encourage her to apply for the Theater program.

            I would recommend seeing any musical production at Goodspeed Musicals.  Visit their website at www.Goodspeed.org and look at the upcoming schedule.  But, be sure to leave yourself plenty of time to drive there! Coming from RI we encountered a great deal of traffic and arrived 35 minutes late for curtain. 

            My next trip was up north to New Hampshire, which is both scenic and a great deal of fun to explore.  My friends and I set out on a mission to enjoy Canobie Lake Park over the long weekend.  This amusement park has a little bit of everything, rides that go high, rides that go fast, rides you get soaked on and rides that spin around.  Personally, I enjoy spinning around the best! However, on this particular trip I decided to face a fear and go on the Ferris wheel.  I’m terrified of heights and generally turn sheet white and break out in a sweat.  It’s not pretty.  This time I was determined to do something I would usually avoid.  The Giant Sky Wheel features enclosed basket style seats that look like they came out of the 1960s.  The colors and the styles are very retro. The ride itself is gentle and sweeps across the sky slowly.  I am very proud that I followed through on this even when I became increasingly nervous as the wheel turned.  Eventually, I opened my eyes to see the wonderful view of the park.  It was just lovely! I even took out the cell phone and snapped photos, selfies as well.  I had to have proof that I had actually been that high in the air and not completely terrified.

            It’s hard to believe that it is mid-August and the summer is getting ready to come to a close.  I still have some time for a few more road trips.  I just have to take a good look at the area and see where I will be off to next.

A Trip to the RISD Museum

            I had the pleasure of spending time with an old friend at the RISD Museum in Providence, Rhode Island this past weekend.  It was a treat for me, as I have never gone there even though I can walk from my office to their door.  It’s funny how one neglects to explore treasures so close to home.  We simply take it for granted that they are there.  This was remedied on Friday afternoon.

            What a surprise! For some reason, I pictured this particular museum as only housing paintings.  There is a treasure trove of historic items from antiquity including pieces from Pompeii, Rome, Egypt, Asia and Greece.  I could have stayed several hours longer just staring at these exquisite items.  A long hall filled with painted portraits done by all the masters made my jaw drop.  I couldn’t believe the amount housed in that one space!

            The RISD Museum is much larger than it looks from the exterior.  It is a combination of buildings that makes the exploration of the collection exciting as one winds from one area to another.   When I walked into the Roman antiquities room, I was greeted by a bust of Agrippina that had been reworked in the 1800s using colored marble as accents.  As I stared into her face, I knew she wasn’t a woman to be trifled with.  Although many accounts of her murderous acts written in antiquity were exaggerated for political reasons, Nero’s mother did have an enormous amount of power and wasn’t afraid to use it.  And is it truly a surprise that one of Caligula’s sisters would have a murderous streak?

            I walked from ancient Rome to ancient Greece gazing into a wide variety of cases filled with coins.  I love to look at the details of these small items.  The portraits, which were all hand carved, must have taken hours to create by a group of fine artisans.  Nothing was mass-produced by machine back then! The jewelry displayed, several which were earrings, were made of fine gold with small beads or stones for accent.  These delicate pieces once hung from a wealthy woman’s ear and now were pinned onto a board and covered in glass. 

            I could go on and on, but why not just visit it for yourself?  Visit www.risdmuseum.org to learn more about the collection and plan a day trip.  Believe me, you won’t regret going.

On Life and Death

            My back yard is my personal oasis.  I share it with my dog, Lily, who considers it her own personal paradise, romping around without a leash and jumping into her doggy pool on hot summer days.  I have spent countless hours and a great deal of energy, planting flowers and tending to the flowerbeds and grass weekly.  I divide this job between the front and back yards on varying days in order not to wear myself out too much.  It’s a labor of love and neighborhood pride.

            One of my favorite things to do is sit on the stairs in my backyard and watch the various birds come and go.  This week, I had a very pretty female bird who was possibly a female cardinal arrive and stay.  She was hopping around in my grass and not moving much when I was in the yard. 

            From what I understand of bird behavior, which isn’t much I admit, this wasn’t a good sign.  She was probably sick and/or dying.  My dog Lily isn’t aggressive with other animals and being a gentle soul, she approached the bird slowly and submissively.  Her attitude and behavior towards the bird was sincere curiosity, as she likes to sniff bird’s scent as she wanders the yard.  I believe she thinks herself as part bloodhound.  I made her keep her distance from the bird for worry of passing illness.

            This sweet ladybird wasn’t too concerned with either of us.  I kept speaking to her, asking if she was in need of anything and if I could help her while reassuring that I wouldn’t harm her in any way.  I attempted to capture her with the thought of getting her to a vet or bird sanctuary, but she avoided me at every move.  Finally, I was able to chase her into one of my flowerbeds to keep her out of the Lily’s path.  Once in the flowers, under a pussy willow and evergreen, I thought she would be safe and hopefully would fly off.

            Later in the afternoon, I went outside to take the dog out.  She ran about the yard in her usual fashion.  I went over to the flowerbed and saw that the ladybird had departed.  A wave of relief came over me.  I thought that she had recovered and flown away.  How wrong I was.  Lily went to a different corner of the yard and started to react to something.  I walked over and saw the sweet ladybird snuggled down in the grass.  She had walked through my flowerbed around the yard and wound up on the other side.  Once again, I spoke to her, keeping Lily away.  I pet her head gently, which she allowed, looking up at me with quiet eyes.  I told her I wouldn’t let the dog disturb her, that I was concerned for her welfare and pet her once again.  Her soft feathers were a surprise.  I have never touched a wild bird before.  She felt as soft as my Himalayan cat’s fur, which was super fine and very thick.

            I swiftly escorted Lily back into the house and left the ladybird alone granting her peace.  Another two hours passed and it was time for bed. I let the dog out for the last time in the evening and walked over to where we had left the ladybird earlier.  I couldn’t see her so I got a flashlight out.  It was then that I saw her, laying on her right side with her left wing extended and up in the air.  She had passed away.  My heart sank.

            In order to protect ladybird’s remains, I fetched a shoebox and gently placed her in a paper towel inside of it.  I placed the shoebox in the safety of my outdoor fireplace for protection.  My plan was to bury her the following morning, placing her remains in my flower garden. 

            This gentle bird had chosen my yard for her passing.  I honored that by burying her under a rose bush and marking her grave with a metal blue flower.  She will remain protected, given a special place to rest in my oasis.