One for the Birds

            My back yard has a lovely cluster of trees in one corner.  One of these trees is mine – it’s actually an overgrown evergreen hedge that I trim to resemble a tree.  The others are in my neighbor’s yards which all meet to form a well-shaded corner.  One tree is a young maple and the other is an old mulberry tree.  The mulberry is quite large and drapes itself over the other two trees as well as all the adjoining yards.  It’s my favorite even though it drops mulberries all over my yard each June. Every summer my back yard becomes a bit of a mess with the fermenting berries that fall, get wet, and rot away into the grass.  Of course, my dog Lily enjoys that scent and rolls around in it frequently mixing the pungent berry smell with that of earth to cover her white coat with bits of all.  Thank God I have a great dog groomer.

One of the perks of having a mulberry tree is that it attracts a gorgeous selection of birds that occupy my yard every season.  I often sit on my stoop in the back yard, have a drink of some sort, and watch the birds with my dog Lily by my side.  There are robins, blue jays, finches, sparrows, morning doves, orioles, woodpeckers, and cardinals. Their colors and songs intertwine in the trees during the summer and we enjoy their company.  It’s so much fun watching them all.

            My favorite bird is the cardinal.  Their song is sweet, their color brilliant and the females are just as pretty, if not as brightly dressed.  I was thrilled that a pair of cardinals has made their home in my backyard for the past two years.  Honestly, I first thought the female was a woodpecker.  She has a unique peak on the top of her head and her coloring resembled the woodpecker that has been in the neighborhood for some time.

            Within the past 2 weeks, I heard the distinct sound of high-pitched peeps coming from a nest.  I knew babies were near by, but I wasn’t sure which bird had offspring.  A few days ago, I was in the yard treating my sunflowers for bugs – Japanese beetles have been feasting on them – and my dog Lily was close by me.  She started to act a bit off, crouching low, and staring at the flowerbed.  Suddenly, she jumped into the flowerbed and was sniffing at something I couldn’t see.  The female cardinal swooped in and started to squawk.  I stepped in and saw why; Lily had a baby bird at her nose.  I pulled her away and let the fledgling bird walk about.  It was chirping at me, obviously saying something I couldn’t discern, but I answered anyway.  I told the bird that I wouldn’t let the dog go and asked if it needed help.  The bird hopped about, chased a beetle, and attempted to fly. Further sounds lead me to a second baby bird in the flowerbed.  I wondered out loud who else was about when I noticed mom & dad – the cardinals.  These were baby cardinals! I watched the birds for another moment and then took my dog inside.

            Lily wasn’t happy that I took her away from exploring the curious visitors in our yard.  I found her crying at the door, scratching furiously in an attempt to get outside.  I wound up locking it to prevent her from pushing the door open.  Later in the evening, I went outside to see how the birds were doing.  They had all flown away.  I hope that they find their way back to my yard.  Just to prepare, I bought a nice bird feeder this weekend and placed it in the evergreen.  What better way to encourage them to make it home?

Politics as Usual

            It’s an election year on the local & state level in the United States.  Every two years in Rhode Island we hold elections to see who will become leaders and take part in the running of our cities and the state.  This year began with a swell of political advertisements on television and radio that either lean towards the positive or the negative.  This is nothing new.  However, I can say that as a voter I don’t like to be insulted or bashed over the head with one person’s viewpoint. 

            Alan Fung’s race for governor started out with a clear picture as his first advertisement against Ken Block appeared on television.  A play on the word “block” the sarcastic ad causes more laughter than cringing.  While this is not a mud slinging advertisement, it isn’t informative either.  The humor in it works, but we still cannot ignore the lack of information.  It says nothing about the candidate Alan Fung, his accomplishments or his plans as potential governor.

            I’m not a fan of negative or empty campaigning.  If your only political platform is vacant humor when we have some serious political decisions to make, you don’t have much to show the public.  We aren’t all stupid, you know.  While it’s true that not everyone is politically active or aware, the voting public can see the difference between one person showing us their accomplishments compared to one just saying negative things against the competition.  Technically, a political campaign is a long job interview with the public.  Consider this as we watch, read, and listen to all types of hype presented by each candidate.  That being said, not everyone is savvy.

            I was very involved with the local R.I. political scene back in 2008 and 2010 when I was dating a candidate for city council in Pawtucket.  I did everything I could to help him secure his first political office from writing campaign pamphlets, creating and maintaining his blog, taking extensive photographs, accompanying him on the campaign trail as well as events and helping to organize fundraisers on his behalf.  I was proud of our accomplishment and of his stand on things at the time.  However, that all went south once he began to push me aside, give the credit for my work to others, and not thank me for anything I had done.  To add insult to injury, he began to downplay our relationship and was obviously stepping out on me. It was a devastating blow and a blatant betrayal.  Needless to say, I ended the relationship and quickly cut ties to him.

            Fast forward to 2014; I received a call last evening from one of the men I met during the 2008 campaign.  While it was nice to catch up and chat a bit, I was shocked when he announced his reason for the call.  Apparently, my ex is running for a state seat and he asked me to support him as a volunteer. That made me laugh. I haven’t spoken with my ex for quite some time.  He had reached out to me on several occasions since I ended the relationship and most of the time I didn’t respond.  However, after several years, I softened a bit and decided to get together with him this past April.  It was a pleasant evening and I was surprised at how much I enjoyed his company.  He promised to call me in a week and, true to form, I still haven’t heard from him 2 months later.  It’s not a surprise. What are a few empty promises made to a former lover? 

            I informed his friend that I seriously hesitate to do anything for a man who has never truly done anything for me.  I pointed out his past behavior, which his friend tried to downplay quite a bit.  “He did take you for granted, but sometimes friends….”I cut him off there.  I pointed out we were a Hell of a lot more than just friends and that to this day he has never thanked me for everything I did for him.  I know his buddy thinks that I’ll forgive all of my ex’s former bad behavior, which he implied during the conversation. This sexist attitude isn’t shocking to me either. But, like the rest of the voting public, I’m not completely unaware.  My past experiences with him matter and have tainted my opinion.  

            This brings me back to the current governor race in Rhode Island. I’m a registered Democrat with Independent leanings.  Each political season no matter where I’ve lived (if you read my blog you know I’m a former Los Angelino resident & my heart still resides there) I am bombarded with pamphlets in my mailbox as well as advertisements on my radio and television.  How many of us tune this stuff out after a while? Again, it doesn’t matter what party you are affiliated with, we see and hear it all from all angles.  Promises made, mud slung, finger pointing - you name it, its all there.  It’s exhausting.  Or is it invigorating? I suppose it depends on several factors.

            At this point, no big scandal has arisen around the candidates.  I wonder if it will remain that way or if things will bubble in the pot as we move closer towards fall.  I do find that negative ads and campaign tactics seem to rise in number as November rolls near.   Only time will tell. 

           

The Age of Singleness

            In a different time, I’d be labeled a spinster: a woman, over a certain age, unmarried and childless.  It is a disparaging title that goes hand-in-hand with the frequently used handle of old maid.  A hundred years ago my kind was pitied and considered to be “fussy” or “undesirable”.  To be perfectly honest with you, this viewpoint hasn’t changed much.

            I moved back to New England in early 2007 after spending more than a decade in Southern California.  I loved the laid-back atmosphere of Los Angeles mixed with the general acceptance of non-traditional lifestyles held by many of the city’s artistic occupants.  No one was pushing me to procreate and marry; interracial dating was widely accepted as was single parenthood, adoption, and gay lifestyles.  Perhaps this was only in my creative community bubble, but it was a pleasant environment to be in.  I was looking to settle down at some point, but I didn’t feel under the gun to do so. Coming back to New England was a jolt of culture shock. I went from a big city to a very little one. I couldn’t go anywhere without someone asking me about my marital or parental status.  I began to dread meeting new people.  Conversations would go something like this:

Person: You moved here from Los Angeles? Wow, how was life on the west coast?

Me: Great - the weather, the atmosphere. It was wonderful.

Person: Why did you come back?

Me: Family.

Person: Yes, we New Englanders always come back to our roots for family! So, are you married or divorced now?

Me: We do come back. I have never been married.

Person: Really? Any children?

Me: No, no children either.

Person: Oh..(trails off, not knowing what to say/ask next).

            My experiences as a fish out of water only got worse. Once I began to reconnect with old friends from school, I was instantly pushed from one “recently divorced” male to another.  I even made the mistake of going on a date with one of my father’s business associates just to appease him.  Let’s say that it became clear to me why that man was divorced more than once.I noticed that many people I met were divorced multiple times.  Why were they pushing me towards this life choice if they failed at it several times? At one point, a man asked me why I had never been married.  I said, “I’ve dated a lot of assholes”. That shut him up pretty quickly. 

            It was suggested by multiple people that I join an online dating service or two or three.  I began to feel more and more like I had to become an active hunter of available men to fit some societal prototype. On top of this humiliation was the constant reminder from “friends” that I shouldn’t give up on becoming a mother just yet.  There was still time! I just had to find that illusive man willing to marry and procreate with me.  Oh yeah, that’s simple.

            Let me be clear here: I didn’t set out to be single my entire life.  It’s just what has happened.  I have been in long-term relationships that didn’t end in marriage proposals.  Oh, I’ve been proposed to on more than one occasion, but for the wrong reasons. Two separate male friends were attempting to avoid deportation and thought I may be open to a sham marriage.  (I wasn’t).  Recently, I discovered that one of my young loves asked my father for permission to marry me.  This was a big shock, as he never asked me.  For 20 years, my dad thought that I had turned him down.  I never confronted my ex about this. What’s the point? Obviously, he had a change of heart or abject terror took over.  The simplest and most sincere marriage proposal came to me when I was just 5 years old.  One of my school friends, a boy named Billy, asked me to marry him one afternoon.  My response? “Don’t be silly, Billy. We’re too young to think of such things.” Was I wise beyond my years or shortsighted to my future single status? One will never know.

            I’m a child of the ‘60s in the sense that I was born during them.  Older females around me were very influential in what I began to read as I grew up. My mother was very traditional and young, but considered the time I was born as an awakening.  She saw the roles of females in American society were beginning to expand.  She was excited that I would have more opportunities for a career other than the approved roles of secretary, nurse, teacher, or airline attendant accepted in previous decades and encouraged me to be whatever I wanted. I embraced Gloria Steinem’s words and was a very young teen subscriber to Ms. magazine.  Of course, this was offset by my subscription to Teen Beat, but I digress.  Proudly, I became the first in my family to graduate from college and hold a Bachelor’s degree.

            I’ve drawn the conclusion that my timing on this planet is fortuitous. If I had been born a hundred years earlier and in the same circumstance things would be much worse.  While I’m not thrilled that I haven’t married, I’m not devastated by not doing it either.  My financial life isn’t dependent on whom I’ve married or how many children I’ve produced.  I have come to embrace my singleness.  It is not a pox.  There is a true sense of freedom that I experience every day that my married friends envy and my divorced friends embrace.  No matter what the future holds, I’m attempting to make my life as well rounded, joyous, and social as I can. 

            As far as old age is concerned, I’ve considered gathering a few of my close friends together to mimic The Golden Girls scenario. My biggest challenge will be finding 3 other women willing to join me on that journey.  I bet it’s still easier than finding a husband.